The Great Debate by Charlene Wexler

The Great Debate?

What if God and his angels operated like the President and U.S. Congress when humans were created? It might have gone something like this.

God: We’ve been fighting over these humans for six days and six nights. I want to play golf tomorrow, so let’s finish the negotiations.

Angels: We wanted to adjourn weeks ago! Besides, we don’t like negotiating with you! Anyway, fifteen toes and fifteen fingers? Are you crazy?

God: But that was your idea!

Angels: But now that you adopted it, we oppose it! Anyway, the number is uneven. They will never figure it out.

God: Then let’s make them smart enough to figure it out.

Angels: We oppose socialized education. Anyway, a few can be smarter, but we have to keep the majority dumb.

God: Why?

Angels: Somebody has to do the dirty cleanup jobs.

God: And I bet you want that to be my constituents, not yours.

Angels: Hey, we don’t want a dirty planet. Our constituents would complain.

God: Okay, we’ll go with your ten fingers and ten toes, if you will let me put 206 bones in them.

Angels: Two hundred and six bones? Big spender! Budget buster! Are you crazy?

God: Listen they will need spares. The bags of bones you budget-cutters bought are seconds, and they will break easily.

Angels: You have two of most organs, but only one heart. Why? Is this a conspiracy?

God: It got too complicated to route all that blood in two directions, so I gave up.

Angels: We said you were lazy! Let’s move on to another topic. We think all humans should be pink. Like in the red states.

God: No, blue would be better

Angels: You always favor the blue states! Anyway, we already used all the dye on the plants, and animals. We only have so much money to spend. Can’t raise the debt ceiling, you know.

God: Ok, so what color should we use?

Angels: How about brown? We have a lot of brown left over.

God: I like brown.

Angels: You like brown? Maybe we should re-think this. What about different shades of brown, from almost white to almost black?

God: I really would miss giving them some color. What about making the toes different colors?

Angels: What’s with you and toes?

God: Listen, we have a little blue and green left over. Not enough for toes, but maybe enough for the eyes. Now the tough part. I don’t want to be bothered constantly making new humans when the old ones wear out.

Angels: So let’s give them organs to reproduce on their own.

God: Where should we put the organs?

Angels: Put them anywhere. They will only use them a few times when they want to have children. And by the way, even though it looks like we have a deal now, if we change our minds, we’ll shut down the Universe!

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One thought on “The Great Debate by Charlene Wexler

  1. Pingback: The Greenwich Village Literary Review Fall 2014, Vol. I, No. 2 | The Greenwich Village Literary Review

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